December 22, 2019 – I have noticed that sharing and being vulnerable has been bringing those who have lost forward in strength. Those who unfortunately, can relate to my family’s current situation.

So here it goes.

I’m having a super hard time this morning. Anyone grieving knows that emotions change by the hour, the minute, & even the second. It feels horrifically surreal that Holden isn’t here sleeping a room over from me in his nursery; the same nursery that I go into over fifty times a day, completely devastated that we aren’t rocking back and forth together, reading the one of many books that he was lovingly gifted. Books I planned on cracking open every night for so many years to come.

I was born to be a mom, but specifically to be his. He looked so much like me; I can’t shake the image of that adorable round little button nose in my head. I don’t want to, no matter how much it breaks me when I do.

Every time I look in the mirror across his room, all I see is him. I miss him more than I could ever explain. It’s actually impossible to describe.

He is, and always will be, the best gift that I have ever been given. Mamas and others who have lost, you are not alone.