Holden Hausfeld was born December 5th, 2019 at 6.9 pounds and 18.5 inches long. Our first born had finally arrived after eons of loving anticipation. He was perfect in every way – his smell, intoxicating. His skin as soft as silk. His cry as timid as the new kid in class and as sweet as cake. He had an old soul and was as calm as they come – the sweetest disposition.
His pregnancy was one full of perfect health checks, passing with flying colors.
Holden was unknowingly born with a congenital heart defect, which we were not made aware of until twenty four hours after birth.
Those were, to date, the best twenty four hours of my life. These hours were followed by the worst four days of my existence.
He was immediately transferred for care, but ended up passing away December 10th. If love could have saved him, he would still be lying on my chest as we speak.
In those five short days, Holden was able to take in milk, exceeding amounts that the health care team had ever witnessed. If he loved one thing, it was breastfeeding and his mama’s milk.
My supply had come in so quickly to meet Holden’s feeding demands, that I had to continue to pump after he had passed. I made the ultimate decision to continue to pump, as emotionally painful as it was, in order to gift other babies who were sick in the ICU, fighting as hard as he had. To give these babies a fighting chance at a heightened immune system and a beautiful life. A life Holden was unable to live. He was such a fighter.
In his name, I wanted to continue to fight for him and for the others who needed help fighting for their lives.
Fighting for the mom who just couldn’t get her little one to latch. For the mom who had chemo, therefore had no supply. For the mom battling postpartum depression, left feeling little to no support to breastfeed. For the baby who’s heart is ferociously beating through a defect, to see another day.
I fought. I continue to fight. To all the mama’s looking to make a difference – join me in this fight and donate to those who need us the most!”
